The next series of articles will be dedicated to my observations regarding the challenges and struggles that we all face daily. These observations are experiential and are based on myself and the people I know. I will trace some negative conditioned responses back to where they started, which will hopefully serve as an inspiration for you to unravel your own inner conflicts that require resolution.
When I was small, my mother was worried that I might be kidnapped, because I trusted people easily and could be very talkative with strangers. I was curious by nature and interested in new people. We often moved, so I had difficulties making friends and maintaining healthy friendships due to my family situation that I was ashamed of sharing.
I was losing my interest in people easily after getting to know them better. I still do. Later in life, I often got in situations when people I didn’t know well were sharing very personal information with me. They thought I was the kind of person whom they can trust easily. I also now see how this is related to my programming as that’s what the Illuminati destine the Monarchs and Vigilante for. I recognize the traits that are required for that function in me. I’m attentive, trustworthy, can keep my mouth shut and can’t resist the pressure.
I didn’t like gossiping while at school as everybody knew everybody and rumors could go viral extremely fast. I didn’t want the crowd discussing my life, so I was very reserved and only maintained a close friendship with a few people. Even today that hasn’t changed much and I have no intention to ‘know’ a lot of people without being able to establish a deep energetic/spiritual connection with them. I always preferred quality time with selected individuals to loud parties with dumb talks.
The greatest lesson I learned from being around people is that no matter who you are spending time with, maintaining your boundaries is vital. What happens if you don’t? In my case I often didn’t get to express myself freely, was trying to please others and postponed doing what I really wanted or liked in favor of ‘building’ the connection with the person. I see plenty of people in my environment who do all or some of that too. I’m sure you all know such people.
After months of focused self-examination and analysis, I detached from this behavior and started recognizing a pattern of an emotionally traumatized child who had experienced a loss of a parent and was too small to understand the intricacies of the adult world. I almost idolized my mother when I was little because she was the person on whom my life depended, and she let me know early in life that I have to be compliant with what she says and asks me to do. If I behaved as expected I was rewarded, if not – punished verbally and sometimes physically. Like a sponge, I absorbed a lot of emotions that I didn’t understand. All those grains of doubt, confusion and hurt transformed into unreleased anger.
A lot of people still don’t give enough attention to their unexpressed anger and frustrations when deprogramming, although they hold it in their bodies and auras. Many people just don’t know any better. They respond to anger with more anger without realizing that its energy is destructing their bodies. Do you recognize an angry kid inside of yourself? How old is it? What was the earliest event you can recall that has caused anger? Remember to forgive everyone involved.