My first encounter with the concept of forgiveness was through religion. I rejected the Church from a young age, without knowing why. Once I had made it clear I wasn’t going back, it was no longer forced upon me.
I never really thought about forgiveness again, until I was in my 20’s and becoming ill and erratic with suppressed anger from my childhood. People kept telling me to forgive and I was indignant about it. Why should I forgive? How could I forgive? He, she, they, weren’t doing anything to seek my forgiveness. So, why should I give it?
This is the misconception about forgiveness. We see it as being about the other person.
No one explained to me that I was only hurting myself by holding onto these feelings.
Forgiveness is all about forgiving mySelf.
Forgiving myself for holding onto that pain and emotion. Allowing myself a level of peace.
Holding on to those feelings and emotions means that the other person cannot change, when around me.
How could I expect them to change, when I hadn’t?
This was where I became indignant again.
Why should I make the first move?!
Again, it comes back to releasing mySelf from all of that pain and hurt.
What happened when I stopped holding onto those emotions? What happened when I let go of the blame?
The other person was released and could be different around me.
Forgiveness is about allowing myself to be free of those emotions and memories.
It wasn’t until I was 40 that I began to understand this. As I mentioned in my previous blog, I had finally found the courage to leave my family. Now I was being told to return?!
It was the forgiveness visualisation, coupled with the child within visualisation, that fast tracked me back into my family.
Why would I want to be back with them? Do I need to remind you?
Being amongst my family is the true test of how much I have healed.
It hasn’t been easy here. People are still waiting for me to lose the plot and run away again.
Why am I staying?
Well, what do you think is happening?
I continue to do my work. I am becoming more mature. More balanced and centred. More responsible for mySelf.
More comfortable within.
Why wouldn’t everyone want that?!