My mother has a medical diagnosis of Alzheimers/Dementia, yet those who work closely with her have become aware that her behaviour does not follow the norm and they suspect something else is going on. Yes, I have learnt to trust my own knowing. Mum has chosen to forget her past, yet she cannot. It keeps bubbling up and now whenever a family member or friend go to see her, her memories rear up and she goes into black moods and rejection.
I have learnt SO much from her I AM grateful! Ever since moving back home I became increasingly aware of how much I was turning into her, despite 20yrs of proactively working to change the course of my future. Returning home has been beneficial in that I have greater consciousness of what’s happening and what to do to prevent it from happening to me.
I’ve also become more aware of perspective. My father believes I am just like her. From his perspective, I can understand that he is correct. From my own perspective, I know that Mum does not have the willingness to do Self work and one of the reasons she rejects me is because I have consistently throughout my life, wanted to talk to her about what happened to us both. She has never wanted to go there. I do.
Through this, I know that I am not afraid of the past and am willing to dig it up and get it out. Mum is afraid and is suppressing it, unsuccessfully. I have nothing to fear, I am not going to turn out like her.
Her face turns to stone, her eyes hard, she rejects us and this became so painful that my brother now rejects her. My father is traumatised. I’m the only one who goes to see her to experience her reaction to me so that I can work on my own Self healing by looking at my reaction to her reaction.
I overheard one of Dad’s friend telling him that Mum’s rejection simply means that she is responding. I immediately recognised the value in that statement. It all comes back to perspective. I saw her today and thought how wonderful it was that her face turned to stone, her mood blackened, upon seeing me. My presence had given her something to do.
Have you ever experienced a shift in perspective that turned a light on?
Can you see positive in negative? and vice versa?
Are positive and negative simply labels to describe how we feel?
Are positive and negative judgements?
What are your thoughts?