I have a tendency to process my thoughts while driving. It actually encourages me to slow down and do the speed limit and not care about those who are who wanting to speed.
Today I was in rage as I headed out and was being responsible by sending it up. I had turned one corner and encountered a round-a-bout and as I entered to do a right hand turn a woman pulled out in front of me. I could see on her face that she knew she incorrect. My rage had my hand pressing on my horn for a good long time as I followed her, matching her speed, up the road.
Oversoul? Was I correct in expressing my anger this way?
We encountered another round-a-bout and I know from experience that the best way to get through this one is to choose the inside lane, whereas most people line up in the outside. This meant that I drove past the woman. She ended up behind me and I was driving at the correct speed doing my processing and releasing my anger responsibly. I noticed that she was driving very slow. Oversoul told me she knew she had made the incorrect choice and was avoiding me.
As I continued on my way I was amazed at the depth and fury of the anger I was releasing up. It was a dark red and I knew that it was old. There was a moment of bright red, when the woman had triggered me, but then it went back to deep, dark red.
As I continued to drive and process I was aware of the anguish I was feeling. This brought back memories of not knowing what to do with my feelings in the past and my anger had become destructive. I suddenly felt compassion for everyone out there who does not know how to release emotions responsibly.
By the time I reached work I was sobbing from deep grief. Oh dear. I felt my body shaking with sobs and I was torn between letting it out and suppressing it.
I allowed myself some release and then looked at my face in the mirror and thought ‘oh well’ and in I went. As I was registering my arrival in the appropriate book, I noticed the Volunteer Co-ordinator (who has been a wonderful support to me) sitting behind the front desk. This is not her usual place. I smiled, said hello and went to talk to her. She asked me how I was and I froze. Oversoul? What do I say?
I told her I was feeling rather emotional. She told me to stay right there and she came around and gave me a long hug. Wow. I shared with her, briefly, (yes, I can do brief) what was going on. She understood and told me to go home. I told her this is the only place I can cry and be given understanding for doing so.
I went and saw Mum. She didn’t reject me (WOW!). She watched me and I could see curiosity on her face. I smiled at her and she just looked at me. Her face did not darken as it usually would. She kept observing everyone and everything and then she decided to go to her room and go to bed. This was actually a positive time with her.
I went off to do my rounds, finished at a good time, signed myself out. I was in my car and I received a notification on my phone that confused me. When I arrived home I followed the link and Oh My God! Excitement filled me!
Follow me on FB to find out what it’s about at Dr Narelle A Carter or if you’re one of my friends, you’ll find out on my personal page. Sorry, I couldn’t contain mySelf!
This is what being human is being like.